Just ask the ship’s carpenter for a plank

Navy SEALs whack 3 pirates and rescue Capt Richard Phillips of the Maersk Alabama, and everyone starts with the crazy talk:

One of the pirates told the Associated Press that, "In the future, America will be the one mourning and crying."

Leave it to ABC News to find a Pirate Spokesman.  Baghdad Bob, meet Somali Sam.  Meanwhile, the Department of Justice has mobilized into Full Dither mode

The Department of Justice is deciding what to do with the captive
pirate — whether to send him to Kenya for prosecution as other pirates
have been, or whether to try him in the United States because he was
pirating a U.S. vessel.

He’s a confirmed farookin’ PIRATE on a US Navy vessel in international waters.  "Chief, organize a detail to conduct Long John Silver here to the fantail and put him over the side, with our best wishes for an enjoyable swim home.  Be sure he takes some souvenir anchor chain along. Mr. Roberts, send a telegram over my signature to the Department of Justice, politely telling them to bugger off.  Everyone, dismissed."

Apparently, the bright lights in the television studio can addle even the coolest of military minds:

On ABC News’ "This Week," Adm. Thad Allen, the commandant of the U.S.
Coast Guard, said the answer is not arming merchant ships to defend
against pirates, as some have advocated.  "I think that’s pretty problematic for reasons such as
training, certification, how you apply standards," he said. "The
discussions I’ve had with the private sector and the ship companies
really don’t favor that right now."

Not a problem, as long as guys like ATM Reva can find an icepick.  Maybe the Admiral should be talking to the sailors, and not the ship owners and their gutless lawyers.  Do we really need to apply standards to repelling hostile boarders from our ships?

Update (13 April).  More crazy talk:
The Somali pirates who took a US merchant captain hostage for five days were heavily armed but inexperienced youths, US Defense Secretary Robert Gates said Monday…  Yeah, about the same age as this Kid when he started shooting people.

Update (15 April).  President Obama’s pirate statistics, displayed graphicallyTip from Statistical Modeling, Causal Inference, and Social Science.

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